I truly understand why I choose to be alone in the dark. Reaching out to you would be like putting myself up for humiliation.


My pain is much preferred over your lashing words, your mocking tones, and cold glaring eyes.


In the dark and alone is where I'm staying because reaching out to you would be suicide of my already shattered self esteem.


You proved that to me enough. There is nothing left to repair. Just leave me be. Tend to your own ego.


I leave you to your well guarded and secure defences. Leave me to my anger. #angereatsme

Your venom is poisonous.

Your bite stings.

Let it out. Get it out. 

I’m not letting you in my blood.

I’m not letting you wound me.

I will let you release all your venom,

but you will no longer be poisonous to me.

I’m shaking it off.

I have the antidote.

I have the wall that you will not penetrate.

I have my friends for support.

I have this.

So bite me with your poison.

You will no longer hurt me.

I have the knowledge to protect my heart.

I am stronger than your venom.

The Encounter continues...

I awaken dazed thinking that it all must have been a dream. I am alone, but in a strange room, strange bed. Where am I? Where are you? The memories of our long awaited encounter flood back to me. It wasn't a dream. It was real. I still feel you on my skin. Taste you on my lips. But where are you? I shudder suddenly feeling cold and lonely without you.

I get up and go into the washroom and the two person jet tub is full of steamy bubbly water. I smile to myself as I gently sink into it. The hot water rushes against my cool skin like fire but the sensation is wonderful. I relax for a bit, still wanting you. I hear the door and I open my eyes. There's my handsome man, with champagne and two glasses standing there looking at me with the biggest smile ever. I get butterflies all over as I return the gaze and a shy smile.

You come over to me, without a word and remove your shirt. Popping the cork, and filling the two glasses we toast each other and to our happiness. The bubbles tickle my throat as I drink and with the heat and the alcohol I start to feel dizzy already. You take the glasses to the side and start to bath me with a cloth, carefully and lovingly cleaning my tender spots. Kissing me so deeply and sweetly, I feel like I could explode at any moment if you stop. Not ever having your touch, I suddenly need it more than anything. My wet hands caress your chest and face, pulling you closer to me.

I feel your fingers explore my secret button, rubbing it gently at first in a continuous rhythm. Your other hand behind my head, pushing me into you as our mouths devour each other. My hand slips into your pants. Your manhood so huge and hard, pulsating with my touch. Delirium and desire takes over as you are now in the tub with your pants still on, water splashing all over the bathroom. Your mouth sucking and nibbling on my erect nipples as I try desperately to remove your pants to get to your cock. You are fingering me deep and hard. I can barely breath with the passion and excitement.

Somehow we manage to get rid of your pants, and you are now on the bottom and I'm on top of you riding you hard, grinding your cock and fingering my clit. I feel your mouth still sucking and nipping at me. Our combined moans echoing in the bathroom make it sound louder than it is. I thrust myself forward onto your shoulder as I start to cum, feeling the spasms deep within.You hold me and let me release my orgasm all over you. We kiss, biting each other's lips.

You pull me off of you and we stand up. Sitting me on the bathroom counter, you pour the champagne down my tits and lick it off of me. Leaning me back, you pour some down my pussy and drink it. Then you pour some into my mouth and let me drink.

Turning me over, so we can see each other in the mirror, you start to fuck me from behind. I feel your hands on my hips as you thrust so deep inside of me. We look into each other's eyes. I see the satisfaction in your face. I know you are about to cum. You slam a couple of times into me slowly. You withdraw and cum all over my ass while looking into my eyes.

Holding me close, you whisper that we need to shower up quickly as there is a surprise in the other room waiting for us. Oh, how you spoil me.

The Long Awaited Encounter

We set the time right so that our planes land at the airport at approximately the same time. Perfect timing as the planes were not delayed. We meet at the designated spot. There you are so handsome. I walk quickly to you and we embrace. I feel that your heart is racing just as fast as mine. We kiss tenderly but timidly, afraid of our reactions to each other, afraid to give into our desires, right then and there on the airport floor.

We grab a cab and you give him instructions to the hotel. I'm still wrapped up in your arms as we just gaze into each others eyes and smile. I feel myself blushing. I know how much you want me, but also how much you love me. It sends incredible shivers through my body, that you interpret as being cold, so you pull me closer, your hand on my thigh. Kissing my neck, your hand climbs a little higher under my dress. You whisper how beautiful I am which makes me sigh in bliss. I can feel your member so hard against me through your pants. Passion and tension is building. If we don't get to the hotel soon, this cab driver will be getting a show.

As I'm about to lose control and kiss you deeply, we finally arrive at the hotel. You grab the two bags and we go to the front desk to check-in. I decide to hang back a little as I can barely control myself. But I'm smiling so big and I'm feeling so warm. You keep looking back at me, smiling sheepishly at me. I know we are thinking the same thoughts. We get to the elevator and you hand me the key. Even on the way up to the floor, we keep our distance, just looking at each other and smiling. At the room, as I slide the key into the door, I feel your hand slide down my body and squeeze my ass. I love the feeling. I press back against you as I open the door. The anticipation is killing me.

In the room I take my jacket off and sit on the bed to take off my leather boots, but you kneel before me and take one foot in your hand. Carefully you slide the boot off and start to massage my foot and leg, then remove my thigh-high. Then do the same with the other side. Then your mouth starts to kiss and lick up my thighs to my already wet panties as your hand gently pushes me to the bed. I feel almost delirious with desire and lust. I feel your mouth on the outside of my panties as I start to squirm. Then you move up my body and look into my eyes. Finally, oh yes, finally, we kiss like we have never kissed before. Like our lives depended on each other's breath. The passion that erupts from our mouths, tongues and teeth gnashing at each other as we devour each other's essence through a never ending kiss. Our hands ripping our clothes off. The need of our skin to touch overwhelming. The want of the other so intoxicating.

After rolling around on the bed getting naked and feeling each other, kissing and tasting each other, I have you on your back, I slide off the bed and pull you so that your legs are dangling off the side then on my knees I start to lick and suck on your balls one at a time, looking up at you. I think start to lick your hard shaft all the way up and flick my tongue over it. Stroking you as I play with your tip with my mouth, you are looking at me and moaning so loud. I can taste your pre-cum. Then I crawl up to you and slide my gleaming wet pussy teasingly on you, up your cock, over your abs and chest and then to your face. I squat over you pinning your arms, feeling your tongue flicking, knowing that you want more. Then you break free and grab me and start to eat me so fast and hungrily. Your fingers find my clit and start to rub. As I'm grinding on your face, it doesn't take me long to cum, as I start to scream and my body jerks. This doesn't stop you. You flip me over onto my back and continue your assault on my pussy with your mouth and fingers. You also start to finger my ass. I feel myself start to release fully and cum again for you screaming your name over and over again. My body twitching as I don't think the orgasm will ever end, nor do I want it to.

Suddenly it stops and I feel a thrust inside of me as you begin to pump me with your cock so hard and deep. You are over top of me kissing me so deeply, I taste myself on your mouth. I squeeze you between my thighs as you continue to pulse into me. I kiss and bite your neck. You look down at me in the eyes as you start to climax and kiss me. I feel your load shoot deep inside of me.

You carefully pull the blankets up over us and we cuddle into each other, feeling our hearts return to their normal beats. We whisper "I love you" as we kiss and pet each other, knowing that this is only the beginning of a wonderful weekend together.

If you knew what you were really doing

The pain inside of me

The tears that well

The Trauma you caused.

Isolated

Alone

You took away my voice

You took away my support

You killed my creative outlet

Jealousy

Insecurity

Because of these you punish me

Because of these you control me

Because of these you kill me

Togetherness it’s suppose to bring

Further apart it rips.

Resent begins to build

Coldness moves into the dark

Just Be...

Be kind to me… I’ll be kind to you.

Be nice to me… I’ll be nice to you.

Be loving to me… I’ll be loving to you.

Be sweet to me… I’ll be sweet to you.

Be rude to me… I’ll show you politeness.

Be mean to me… I’ll show you kindness.

Be cold to me… I’ll show you love.

Be hurtful to me… I’ll just smile (and cry on the inside).

But hurt the ones I love, and there is no place you can hide from me.

So just be.

Rambling of My Breakdown...

I try my best... My best is just not good enough.


The realization that I'm just never going to be good enough nor loved for who I really am hits me like a ton of bricks.


Can't breathe... Don't know why I even try.


What's done is done...


I'm sorry.


For the record I never lied... Why won't you believe me? Maybe I never gave you a reason to.


What is broken cannot be fixed... What is dead remains slaughtered.


Here is my soul. Blacken by the fire. Don't ask for my heart. It doesn't exist anymore.


Love no longer lives here anymore.


Anger doesn't live here either. All is numb. All is gone. It is done.


No I'm not alright. I will never be alright. Nothing will ever be alright.


The stabbing pain in my head suggests that if I start hearing voices I too can have a perfect defence for any crime.


I love to hate you.


I love to hate me.


I just can't do this anymore. I can't live this way. I give in.

Never intentional…

… nothing ever is.

And I never feel good enough.

And I never feel strong enough.

And I never feel loved enough.

And I never feel well enough.

Never intentional…

… nothing ever is.

Have to stop caring so much.

Have to stop loving so much.

Have to stop trusting so much.

Have to stop believing so much.

Never intentional…

… nothing ever is.

And I never feel smart enough.

And I never feel liked enough.

And I never feel happy enough.

And I never feel wise enough.

Never intentional…

… nothing ever is.

- Moi

Star Wars Fetish

You invite me to stay with you at your home to go to Celebration (the big Star Wars fete) and I decide to come. How could I not. After all, I love Star Wars. I dream of all the fun we are going to have. It's strange, because even with all the talk about sex, it seems to be the last think on my mind at the time. I'm just so excited to be getting away, seeing you, having fun, and of course, feeding my Star Wars fetish.


Because of your work schedule you are unable to pick me up at the airport. The cab ride is fine. I enjoy the view. Our small talk would have meant I would have not seen so much. I meet you at your home just shortly after you get there. When I arrive we go through the niceties of hugs and kisses on both cheeks and small talk as you show me your place. It's lovely. All your Star Wars memorabilia is incredible. So very intoxicating actually. I begin to get a little flustered by it all.


Then in the living room I suddenly push you up against the wall and kiss you passionately while undoing your pants. I say that I want to check out your light saber NOW and fall to my knees and start giving you head, looking up at you, the feel of your cock in my mouth, our eyes connect. There is an unseen force between us. Your cock is so perfect and lovely. Sucking and licking it makes me so wet, I start to finger myself. Still looking up at you, your hands running though and pulling my hair. Making me want to cum so bad.


Then I stand up and push away from you, strip down, and sit on the arm of your couch and say "Come on Sith Lord, show me the full dark side of the force." and spread my legs. You bend down between my thighs and just start to eat me so deep and get me screaming. I grab your head and push you further into me. Your tongue exploring every inch inside my pussy that it can reach. Feeling your nose on my clit. Every now and again, I feel your teeth nibbling me, making me lose myself.


Then I push you up and say "Oh Sith Lord, show me how you use your light saber," and turn around so that you can fuck me hard and deep from behind. We start fucking hard and you are slapping my ass and pulling my hair. I am so turned on my all that I see and feel. The way you wield your light saber, the force and energy flowing through both of us. My pussy rubbing hard on the arm of the couch. Your hand spanking me now and then, the other one holding my hair tight. I start to cum so hard, screaming "Yes my dark lord, yes". 


You pull out and turn me around and start fucking me from the front, my hand goes to my clit as you thrust deep, hard and fast. You watch as my tits shaking up and down and as I cum again, biting into your arm. You pull out and cum all over my tits. You collapse to the floor and pull me with you and a blanket over top.


Quietly you whisper "Welcome to my home, Princess." as we relax for a little while.

Short DM

I walk into your home. I give you a quick kiss hello on the cheek and then after some pleasantries I suddenly push you down to your knees and put one of my legs over your shoulders. Grabbing your head I shove it into my pantiless pussy and say "Eat this Baby". As you lavishly lick my pussy I grind into your face smearing my juice all over you. Moaning loudly and tugging at your hair, you know you are doing a good job. I let you tongue me more as I reach for your hand and get you to finger my clit so I can feel more pleasure. I'm grabbing my tits and squeeze my nipples as I scream. I pull you up from your knees and kiss and lick your face. Then I push you against a wall and say it's time for me to see your light saber. I start to rip open your pants and grab your already hard cock. I squat down and lick you, teasing with my tongue and eyes. Tasting your precum, I like my lips. Then, grabbing you by the ass I engulf your swollen member whole, and suck balls deep. Sliding your cock in and out of my mouth by pulling you back and forth. Hearing you moan. I pull you out and rub your cock over my tits and in between. Dropping my spit down your cock so it slides so nicely. Then I stand up and grab you by the shirt and bring you a chair. I sit down and tell you to strip. Then to strip me. I spread my legs and begin to play with myself, watching your eyes and body knowing how much you want me. I ask you if you like my pussy and what you want to do with it. I am fingering my clit, then with my other hand I start to finger my ass while you stand there, so hard, watching me. I tell you to stroke yourself slowly. Then I get up and turn over and ask you if you want to fuck me. You want to so bad. I am still teasing you till I finally tell you to stick your cock into me. You thrust so deeply into my hot wet pussy. You start to fuck me so hard and deep. I feel your balls slap against me. I tell you to reach around and finger my clit. I can feel myself starting to come as the motion of your fingers and cock are so incredible. I start to shudder and push back on your cock as I scream and cum on your cock but before you can come too, I push off of you and push you on to the chair. I straddle you and ride your cock. Your mouth on my tits. I reach back and grab your balls as I pump you hard. You can't take any more and explode deep inside my with strong jerks as you cum. I get off of you and lick your dick. The taste of us together is so delightful. I then kiss you to share our passion. Next I am going to tie you up and tease you with ice.

The other me came out. The one I hate the most. The one I've been swallowing deep inside. The ANGER. The HATE. #angereatsme #angerisme

I hate not controlling this rage. I can't breathe. Shaking. The screams below the surface. They erupt out my mouth. #angereatsme #angerisme

Can't quiet the voices screaming in my head. Can't quiet the screaming coming from my mouth. Can't stop the rage. #angereatsme #angerisme

I am just ANGER. It eats me. It feeds me. It burns me. Can't stop it sometimes. No controlling it.  #angereatsme #angerisme 

The Phone Conversation

~        So that’ what I’m up to now. And yourself?

~        Laying naked in bed fondling my breasts.

~        Ummm… you’re what?

~        Laying in bed. Naked. Playing with my boobs.

~        Hhhow long hhhave you been doooing that?

~        The entire time we’ve been talking.

~        Ohhh. I see. I mean, I can’t see. I mean. Ummm.

~        It’s okay. I like playing with them. Especially when I talk to you.

~        What?

~        I love the sound of your voice.

~        You do?

~        It turns me on.

~        Oh. I like your voice too.

~        You do?

~        Yes. I like everything about you.

~        I really enjoy listening to you. Makes me want to touch myself.

~        It does?

~        Yes. Like now, I’m tickling my belly gently. Caressing my skin.

~        Ohhh.

~        And now I’m going lower and caressing my mound softly. Playing with my tender lips.

~        That’s … ummm…

~        Want me to go inside them.

~        Yes.

~        Mmmm…. I’m wet. And it feels so good.

~        Does it? How do you taste? I bet you taste good. I mean… nevermind.

~        You want me to taste myself?

~        Yes.

~        *slurp* mmmm, I taste so good.

~        Ohhhh

~        I’m rubbing my clit now. What are you doing?

~        Ummm… Nothing.

~        No, tell me.

~        I’ve pulled my cock out and stroking it.

~        Nice. So do you want me to be your good girl or your whore?

~        I want you to be my whore.

~        Yes Sir. What do you want me to do Sir?

~        Get your toy. I want you to use it like you would my cock.

~        Oooooo…. YES SIR! *noises* I have my favourite vibrator. *sucking sounds* I’m sucking and licking it just like your lovely cock Sir.

~        That my slut. Take it deep. Deep in your throat.

~        Mmmmmmmmm

~        That’s right whore. Fuck your mouth with it.

~        Your cock is so huge Sir. I love it.

~        Fuck it more with your mouth whore.

~        Mmmmmmm *slurping sounds*

~        Yesssss. Now I want you to turn it on and start to fuck your hot, wet pussy with it. Shove it in your cunt deep and hard.

~        Yessss Sir.

~        Good little slut. Are you my slut?

~        Yes, I’m your slut Sir. *vibrating sounds*

~        How does my cock feel in your cunt?

~        Feels fucking amazing.

~        Tell me what you are doing, my whore.

~        My vibrator is on the highest speed. I’m sitting on it while it’s inside of me and on a pillow. I’m riding it hard just like I would your cock. I’m also squeezing one of my tits. *loud moans*

~        Yes you fucking whore. Ride my dick. Ride it hard. Cum all over it.

~        Oh yes Sir… It feel so good.

~        Cum for me bitch. I want to hear you scream.

~        Yes Sir. I’m cumming for you. Now… *screaming* Yeessss Yeesss … AAAHHHHH YES!

~        PULL YOUR HAIR!

~        OH YES SIR. I’M STILL CUMMING FOR YOU. I’M PULLING MY HAIR AND CUMMING ALL OVER YOUR COCK. YEEEESSSSSS!

~        Good slut.

~        *heavy breathing*

~        Very good.

~        *heavy breathing*

~        I want you so much.

~        I want you too my love.

~        Go to sleep now Princess.

~        Good night.

~        Good night.

~        *phone hangs up*

~        *phone hangs up* 

Words...

…hurt

…stab

…pierce

…wound

…belittle

…squash

…crush

…fracture

…beat

…weaken

…break

…injure

…remain

Then you talk to someone else and words will heal your soul and make you feel complete.

Thank you for talking to me.

#angereatsme

Your eyes...

…rip me to pieces

…make me feel weak

…make me feel small

…break my will

…make me angry

…make me sad

…say everything your words don’t

…don’t lie

…pierce me

…have made the decision

…say it all