Rambling of My Breakdown...

I try my best... My best is just not good enough.


The realization that I'm just never going to be good enough nor loved for who I really am hits me like a ton of bricks.


Can't breathe... Don't know why I even try.


What's done is done...


I'm sorry.


For the record I never lied... Why won't you believe me? Maybe I never gave you a reason to.


What is broken cannot be fixed... What is dead remains slaughtered.


Here is my soul. Blacken by the fire. Don't ask for my heart. It doesn't exist anymore.


Love no longer lives here anymore.


Anger doesn't live here either. All is numb. All is gone. It is done.


No I'm not alright. I will never be alright. Nothing will ever be alright.


The stabbing pain in my head suggests that if I start hearing voices I too can have a perfect defence for any crime.


I love to hate you.


I love to hate me.


I just can't do this anymore. I can't live this way. I give in.

Never intentional…

… nothing ever is.

And I never feel good enough.

And I never feel strong enough.

And I never feel loved enough.

And I never feel well enough.

Never intentional…

… nothing ever is.

Have to stop caring so much.

Have to stop loving so much.

Have to stop trusting so much.

Have to stop believing so much.

Never intentional…

… nothing ever is.

And I never feel smart enough.

And I never feel liked enough.

And I never feel happy enough.

And I never feel wise enough.

Never intentional…

… nothing ever is.

- Moi

Star Wars Fetish

You invite me to stay with you at your home to go to Celebration (the big Star Wars fete) and I decide to come. How could I not. After all, I love Star Wars. I dream of all the fun we are going to have. It's strange, because even with all the talk about sex, it seems to be the last think on my mind at the time. I'm just so excited to be getting away, seeing you, having fun, and of course, feeding my Star Wars fetish.


Because of your work schedule you are unable to pick me up at the airport. The cab ride is fine. I enjoy the view. Our small talk would have meant I would have not seen so much. I meet you at your home just shortly after you get there. When I arrive we go through the niceties of hugs and kisses on both cheeks and small talk as you show me your place. It's lovely. All your Star Wars memorabilia is incredible. So very intoxicating actually. I begin to get a little flustered by it all.


Then in the living room I suddenly push you up against the wall and kiss you passionately while undoing your pants. I say that I want to check out your light saber NOW and fall to my knees and start giving you head, looking up at you, the feel of your cock in my mouth, our eyes connect. There is an unseen force between us. Your cock is so perfect and lovely. Sucking and licking it makes me so wet, I start to finger myself. Still looking up at you, your hands running though and pulling my hair. Making me want to cum so bad.


Then I stand up and push away from you, strip down, and sit on the arm of your couch and say "Come on Sith Lord, show me the full dark side of the force." and spread my legs. You bend down between my thighs and just start to eat me so deep and get me screaming. I grab your head and push you further into me. Your tongue exploring every inch inside my pussy that it can reach. Feeling your nose on my clit. Every now and again, I feel your teeth nibbling me, making me lose myself.


Then I push you up and say "Oh Sith Lord, show me how you use your light saber," and turn around so that you can fuck me hard and deep from behind. We start fucking hard and you are slapping my ass and pulling my hair. I am so turned on my all that I see and feel. The way you wield your light saber, the force and energy flowing through both of us. My pussy rubbing hard on the arm of the couch. Your hand spanking me now and then, the other one holding my hair tight. I start to cum so hard, screaming "Yes my dark lord, yes". 


You pull out and turn me around and start fucking me from the front, my hand goes to my clit as you thrust deep, hard and fast. You watch as my tits shaking up and down and as I cum again, biting into your arm. You pull out and cum all over my tits. You collapse to the floor and pull me with you and a blanket over top.


Quietly you whisper "Welcome to my home, Princess." as we relax for a little while.

Short DM

I walk into your home. I give you a quick kiss hello on the cheek and then after some pleasantries I suddenly push you down to your knees and put one of my legs over your shoulders. Grabbing your head I shove it into my pantiless pussy and say "Eat this Baby". As you lavishly lick my pussy I grind into your face smearing my juice all over you. Moaning loudly and tugging at your hair, you know you are doing a good job. I let you tongue me more as I reach for your hand and get you to finger my clit so I can feel more pleasure. I'm grabbing my tits and squeeze my nipples as I scream. I pull you up from your knees and kiss and lick your face. Then I push you against a wall and say it's time for me to see your light saber. I start to rip open your pants and grab your already hard cock. I squat down and lick you, teasing with my tongue and eyes. Tasting your precum, I like my lips. Then, grabbing you by the ass I engulf your swollen member whole, and suck balls deep. Sliding your cock in and out of my mouth by pulling you back and forth. Hearing you moan. I pull you out and rub your cock over my tits and in between. Dropping my spit down your cock so it slides so nicely. Then I stand up and grab you by the shirt and bring you a chair. I sit down and tell you to strip. Then to strip me. I spread my legs and begin to play with myself, watching your eyes and body knowing how much you want me. I ask you if you like my pussy and what you want to do with it. I am fingering my clit, then with my other hand I start to finger my ass while you stand there, so hard, watching me. I tell you to stroke yourself slowly. Then I get up and turn over and ask you if you want to fuck me. You want to so bad. I am still teasing you till I finally tell you to stick your cock into me. You thrust so deeply into my hot wet pussy. You start to fuck me so hard and deep. I feel your balls slap against me. I tell you to reach around and finger my clit. I can feel myself starting to come as the motion of your fingers and cock are so incredible. I start to shudder and push back on your cock as I scream and cum on your cock but before you can come too, I push off of you and push you on to the chair. I straddle you and ride your cock. Your mouth on my tits. I reach back and grab your balls as I pump you hard. You can't take any more and explode deep inside my with strong jerks as you cum. I get off of you and lick your dick. The taste of us together is so delightful. I then kiss you to share our passion. Next I am going to tie you up and tease you with ice.

The other me came out. The one I hate the most. The one I've been swallowing deep inside. The ANGER. The HATE. #angereatsme #angerisme

I hate not controlling this rage. I can't breathe. Shaking. The screams below the surface. They erupt out my mouth. #angereatsme #angerisme

Can't quiet the voices screaming in my head. Can't quiet the screaming coming from my mouth. Can't stop the rage. #angereatsme #angerisme

I am just ANGER. It eats me. It feeds me. It burns me. Can't stop it sometimes. No controlling it.  #angereatsme #angerisme 

The Phone Conversation

~        So that’ what I’m up to now. And yourself?

~        Laying naked in bed fondling my breasts.

~        Ummm… you’re what?

~        Laying in bed. Naked. Playing with my boobs.

~        Hhhow long hhhave you been doooing that?

~        The entire time we’ve been talking.

~        Ohhh. I see. I mean, I can’t see. I mean. Ummm.

~        It’s okay. I like playing with them. Especially when I talk to you.

~        What?

~        I love the sound of your voice.

~        You do?

~        It turns me on.

~        Oh. I like your voice too.

~        You do?

~        Yes. I like everything about you.

~        I really enjoy listening to you. Makes me want to touch myself.

~        It does?

~        Yes. Like now, I’m tickling my belly gently. Caressing my skin.

~        Ohhh.

~        And now I’m going lower and caressing my mound softly. Playing with my tender lips.

~        That’s … ummm…

~        Want me to go inside them.

~        Yes.

~        Mmmm…. I’m wet. And it feels so good.

~        Does it? How do you taste? I bet you taste good. I mean… nevermind.

~        You want me to taste myself?

~        Yes.

~        *slurp* mmmm, I taste so good.

~        Ohhhh

~        I’m rubbing my clit now. What are you doing?

~        Ummm… Nothing.

~        No, tell me.

~        I’ve pulled my cock out and stroking it.

~        Nice. So do you want me to be your good girl or your whore?

~        I want you to be my whore.

~        Yes Sir. What do you want me to do Sir?

~        Get your toy. I want you to use it like you would my cock.

~        Oooooo…. YES SIR! *noises* I have my favourite vibrator. *sucking sounds* I’m sucking and licking it just like your lovely cock Sir.

~        That my slut. Take it deep. Deep in your throat.

~        Mmmmmmmmm

~        That’s right whore. Fuck your mouth with it.

~        Your cock is so huge Sir. I love it.

~        Fuck it more with your mouth whore.

~        Mmmmmmm *slurping sounds*

~        Yesssss. Now I want you to turn it on and start to fuck your hot, wet pussy with it. Shove it in your cunt deep and hard.

~        Yessss Sir.

~        Good little slut. Are you my slut?

~        Yes, I’m your slut Sir. *vibrating sounds*

~        How does my cock feel in your cunt?

~        Feels fucking amazing.

~        Tell me what you are doing, my whore.

~        My vibrator is on the highest speed. I’m sitting on it while it’s inside of me and on a pillow. I’m riding it hard just like I would your cock. I’m also squeezing one of my tits. *loud moans*

~        Yes you fucking whore. Ride my dick. Ride it hard. Cum all over it.

~        Oh yes Sir… It feel so good.

~        Cum for me bitch. I want to hear you scream.

~        Yes Sir. I’m cumming for you. Now… *screaming* Yeessss Yeesss … AAAHHHHH YES!

~        PULL YOUR HAIR!

~        OH YES SIR. I’M STILL CUMMING FOR YOU. I’M PULLING MY HAIR AND CUMMING ALL OVER YOUR COCK. YEEEESSSSSS!

~        Good slut.

~        *heavy breathing*

~        Very good.

~        *heavy breathing*

~        I want you so much.

~        I want you too my love.

~        Go to sleep now Princess.

~        Good night.

~        Good night.

~        *phone hangs up*

~        *phone hangs up* 

Words...

…hurt

…stab

…pierce

…wound

…belittle

…squash

…crush

…fracture

…beat

…weaken

…break

…injure

…remain

Then you talk to someone else and words will heal your soul and make you feel complete.

Thank you for talking to me.

#angereatsme

Your eyes...

…rip me to pieces

…make me feel weak

…make me feel small

…break my will

…make me angry

…make me sad

…say everything your words don’t

…don’t lie

…pierce me

…have made the decision

…say it all

What have we here...

I peer around the corner and see you sitting in your recliner, all comfy and flipping through the TV. I strip down to my bra and panties and mess up my hair, then, on all fours, I crawl over towards you, deliberately bumping into the lamp so that you notice me. You see the lust and desire in my eyes. My tits barely contained in my bra. We lock eyes, and I see the want and craving as you lick your lips and grab the sides of the chair.

At your feet, I slow climb your lap and cat stretch for you, pawing softly at your ever hardening crotch. I lean in and rub my face into your pants feeling your cock begging to be released. I rub harder with my open mouth as I look up at you knowing just how bad you want it.

I slowly undo your pants and pull them off. I begin to lick and kiss your thighs as I gently stroke your cock, never breaking eye contact. I move on to your balls as I take one into my mouth and gently suck, then release it and take the other one. Finally I move on and very teasingly lick up the shaft of your cock from base to tip and then back down and up before I take it into my mouth and begin to fully engulf you. As I start to increase the speed of going up and down on your hard cock, I feel your hands tangle into my hair, pushing and pulling me, and hearing you moan.

I pull off and climb into your lap and take your shirt off. Kissing you passionately, I start to grind my soaked panties into your cock. Your hands are all over body and my bra is now off of me. You take one of my tits into your mouths and suck and nibble on it greedily as I grind my wetness harder on you, feeling my swollen clit so stimulated by the movement. The intensity is almost too much for both of us to bare. 

You pick me up and lay me down on the floor and rip off my panties. You begin to devour my pussy, flicking and sucking on my clit then lapping up my nectar. I squeeze your head between my thighs as I start to shudder and quake at the sensations. I grab your head and push you deep into my hot pussy and start to fuck your face. Arching my back and screaming I cum in a wet gush, shaking and jolting with my climax. 

You roll me over and lift my ass up in the air, my face still on the floor. I feel you drive your long hard shaft deep inside of me as you grab me by the waist and start to thrust deeply inside of me. The air is mixed with sounds of our moans and smell of our sweat and sex as you fuck me hard. Then you suddenly pull out of me roll me over and explode all over my tits and abs. I grab your dick and suck you dry as you rub your cum into me.

We collapse on the floor kissing each other so lovingly and deeply. Our juices in our mouths mix. We caress each other, as you pull the blanket on us and we fall asleep in each other’s arms.